The Interested, Clingy, Too Available Line
33% or so couples are meeting through Online Dating (OLD) now. I don’t have the exact breakdowns and we don’t need them, just know that it’ll only go up and so will the instances of people sitting in their underwear in bed, unshowered, with their Netflix on pause and wondering to themselves whether this guy/gal is being “Clingy/Needy/Too Invested/NOT Interested/Too Available/Interested. .and whatever position if left”. All this derived from the number of text msgs, the size of each msg and the ratio of their own texts to the other party’s text msgs.
People do not have this problem with friends, so why then does it keep coming with strangers you meet on a dating app? I am thinking the internal monologue goes something like
“the friend just accepts us and knows everything all there is to know but this stranger, jeez I don’t even know him nor does he know me, is it that he’s got no other options and I am the only one who threw him a bone? Does he think I am easy?! Is it a psychopath or maybe the pics are fake and he looks nothing like them..why is he texting all the time??!!”
The instances when you are on the side of calculating if the other person is being “clingy/needy” because he/she is texting “too much”, it’s almost like a case of self-doubt, I think it’s not usually explained as such but it’s strong case for “I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member”.
Or in simple words, “I don’t feel worthy of this attention so definitely something is up with this dude and hence he’s soo much into me!”.
Of course, no one wants to admit their own insecurities so it becomes easy to just project that this he/she is “clingy”.
Does that mean I am saying you should just be open to everybody who is super into you since day1 after matching, NOPE! It’s totally possible you have a real loser on your back, so you still have to do the work of filtering that out. I would just advise you keep an eye on the stuff he talks about, it should be a lot about stuff in general and some stuff about you and should go in the direction of “getting to know you”. It shouldn’t be anything in the realm of “missing you/love you/be with you” which would definitely show signs of a premature attachment.
I don’t really have any core answers, hence I like to say this entire “too clingy – too invested” line is the devil’s work!
You are never going to solve it so don’t try too hard.
Just do whatever you wish to and if it’s not panning out then move on.
It is frustrating, more son when you are in the situation of being perceived as the “clingy one”, which is 90% of the time for guys — it’s literally like politics where you must do the wrong thing just so to be in power long enough to do that one right reform thing eventually. Because sometimes acting busy will, in fact, make them more interested and save the whole situation till the time you can actually meet and do a date. Damn it’s literally just strategizing.
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