The Anti Silent Treatment Communication Rule
I am filing this under dating but this pretty much applies to all relationships and not only those where a lot of nakedness is involved.
However, it seems if more people are able to follow this in their nakedness involving relationships this would save everyone a lot of trouble.
Now let’s just get to the rule;
Thou shalt never, ever — no matter how bad the fighting, screaming, yelling going on. No matter how many bad words, cuss words are being thrown at you. Doesn’t matter whether the person is calling you names, calling you a loser and tells you your parents are just scum just like you are. Even if your wife/gf calls you a loser who is just going to die alone or tells you your dick is small and she never even oragasmed anyway. Or your husband calls you a stupid bitch who is so fat now that he doesn’t even want to bang you anymore. Or any other such adjectives and bad things people yell at each other during a fight.
At no moment is anyone allowed to use the phrase, method, tactic or anything resembling “don’t talk to me”, “conversation over”, or “leave me alone” or walking away from the heated conversation and using the “silent treatment” on the other person when he/she is trying to make their case.
We can label this the Anti-Silent Treatment rule and if you are reading this then you should share, email, ask others in your life to agree to this rule ( won’t hurt if they subscribe while their at it to :—) ).
And here’s why this is important.
Once the ST is employed in any way, shape or form — it could be not answering calls, locking oneself in the room or just turning off the wifi, not reading the other person’s texts or anything, the communication breakdown is now complete. And any conflict resolution is impossible in that moment.
Yes, it can be done later once everyone is calm and peaced out (the method most seem to prefer, to avoid the messiness of momentary anger) but I think the hours spent just keeping the ST on while one party desparately( or not) tries to plead their case, and the other just assumes the former’s guilt because “see, how they are begging for me to listen but I won’t, because I am RIiiIGHTT ” ends up with bad emotions, memories and resentments. And it’s amazing how many times people just assume that just because someone is trying to make their case, the person automatically also accepts his guilt. Afterall if you are not guilty then why are you putting in the effort seems to be the unasked question. That’s just an unsophisticated, childish way to look at it.
Because making one’s case using the tools of language is all that can be done in an heated exchange, argument, debate. The person putting the effort to do so must be met half with the exact same mindset. And if the relationship never seems to be getting to the point where this happens more often than not, then bigger decisions are needed to be made.
In fact in the real world this is understood all too well.
When Iran is acting up, and US needs to step in to keep them in line, the world sits in shock, biting its nails with the single plea of “KEEPING THE COMMUNICATION OPEN“. The alternative would probably be a mushroom cloud over Iran, not bad in the long scheme of things, but probably not the best outcome either. However, my point here is communication — using the tools of language to make one’s case must always be kept open.
The US sends the same message when third world nuclear powers like India-Pak get into a dick measuring contest, totally oblivious that their conern should be getting rid of the herpes infection and not the size.
Take advertising and those jobless loser hippies aka activists who have a probem with the “power” of advertising and demand for laws to bring it down. All advertising is nothing but business-A making a case for its own products vs business-B. It’s just words and tools of language, if that is taken away the only thing left is force, guns and subterfuge.
In your own work, you have no choice but to keep communication open when the boss is talking — the “don’t talk to me, leave me alone” door banging which works so well at home with you bf (probably because the loser thinks of you as a “babe” unlike anyone he will find again) probably won’t have the same effect.
For some reason, the presence of an external force like nuclear annihilation keeps this rule well in effect at the global geopolitical scale but in our houses we are all free to be the slaves of our petty emotions because we have never put in the effort to really understand them, so banging doors without even giving the other person a chance to explain has a very tempting allure in the moment of self-righteousness.
In fact, there is a reason the cultural meme around using ST is always implied in terms of “giving him the silent treatment”, knowing fully well that NOT allowing him to make his case is only going to add to his inner turmoil, so why not “let him stew in it for a little while”.
This absolutely devious tactic must thrown out and if you keep failing at getting the other person to comitt to this, then you might wanna look for someone who will.
In the next part I will look at some caeveats and more, so hope you subscribe and come back.
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