Making A BIG Deal of It.

big deal


The “it” can be anything here. Anything which creates enough anxiety to make you avoid doing what you should be doing or want to be doing.

For me writing this blog is one of those.

The last attempt to blogging failed with $100 investment in setting up the blog, only to be ignored because the design simply didn’t “feel right”, and I did not want to spend more money on it, honestly it probably just was anxiety about the whole thing not going anywhere or something.

With Ranstigate I blew another $200 and I still am very unhappy, and I have finally learned to NOT deal with the Indian web designer industry, especially if they do not speak impeccable English from the getgo and even then perhaps.

However, this time around most things seems function enough, and so I made a pact to not go about touching it until I have 100 posts completely written on there. The email subscription gnaws at me every time I see an alert about my own new published post. The web designer just simply wanted the case, promised the moon and cut corners at every step. But I digress.

The 100 posts part seemed to easy in my mind, I kind of forgot my own previous post about things seeming easy in your mind .. HA!

I make a BIG deal of every damn post, of every word I want to type.

  • Is the top worth it?
  • How much time will it take? Should I spend the time studying for the CISSP instead?
  • Is any of this even worth it? Should I focus on the stats of the blog and count the shares, the marketing is nonexistent.
  • Why am I even writing this blog, am I just hiding behind the “love of art” to avoid real issues like going out and talking to girls.
  • Will I ever make enough money to quit my job with this blog, if not then why even write it.
  • I cannot just start writing, need the perfect timing and all the points and images and blah..I mean it’s a blog and I have a “responsibility”, (even when I have already stated IDGAF of being right here in the about me)

Half of it is the anxiety that my writing just sucks anyway and no one cares and half of it is me making it all so BIG in my head, just to pump my own state up and convincing myself that “oh yes I am taking this seriously”. Meh..

Heck I myself started the blog to give people a rabble-rouser smart guy ranting set the keyboard on fire thought process experience and now I sit like a pussy trying to figure out if I have the perfect images for the posts.

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