Dating In The Future Is Taking A Step Back To The Past
I am kind of struck by the polygamy bug now for a few days, it’s no longer just in the back of my brain but taking up a lot more space than that. The idea of having two women in the house and all of us being sexually involved without kids, and with amazing jobs and personalities kind of sounds like a permanent vacation (STaYcAtIoN? FU!).
And the fact that I found the episode on the ThisJungianLife podcast at around the same time paints a picture of Jung’s synchronicity to the whole episode.
Deb on the podcast seemed very put off by the idea of poly, felt like the standard “people are doing it just because they can” argument from her. When I think of that isn’t that’s what people have always done anyway?
And my poly thoughts, mixing with some history books like Sapiens and Will Durant’s The Story of Civilization, have got all these neurons hitting each other in my head are kind of convincing me that these forms of relationships are probably going to see an exponential increase at least for the well to do intellectual folk like yours truly.
Now I completely understand that when using history/evolutionary biology to make one’s case you can pick and choose any era, time, culture and make it the standard by which you want to judge things. The only thing one can do about this is provide some reasoning on why you would choose a certain period to make your point, one of them I think is some close trends in the current times which match or contrast in some way to the time you are choosing to compare with.
In our hunter-gatherer past, poly made sense or to put it in Deb’s logic “was done because one can” because of some pragmatic reasons:
- The death rate was high, need more babies.
- The tribe needed a lot of manpower, more babies again.
- Durant explains how some, sexual orgies were kind of a mechanism to make sure the wives of impotent men get knocked up and bore the tribe a citizen and a healthy womb — a very important resource is “not wasted”.
- Private property did not really exist, which seems later played a role in pushing monogamy because people wanted to pass on the property to only their kids.
- The religions of the time supported it, in the fashion Yuval explains in Sapiens — religion always plays the role of enabling that which is already decided by society, just legitimizes it.
Here’s some way in which these trends contrast with modern life which I think is pushing such alternate sex life combinations, they are only made possible due to what our economy, technology, and spiritual life make possible.
- The death rate is not a concern anymore, if anything it seems we have a completely opposite problem. So the idea of having more kids, and giving them the stability of monogamy is not our concern.
- Having kids in and of itself is not a meaningful exercise anymore, and if you by the general trends its mostly going to harm your life — financially the most, and then the constant care and demands children put on you which completely wipe out your freedoms to have many other experiences life to today has to offer.
- A side note here is FFM couples are in fact having kids in poly relationships, and the idea of having three parents is just more help to raise the kids!
- Tangential to point two, religion, for the most part, is wiped out, which adds to the decrease in the “meaning” of having kids, or having a single partner.
- If anything religion will come around to legitimizing polygamy as it did with homosexuality, the pope only has to extend his “definition of love” to yet another group.
- Not that disease and pregnancies (shoutout to the “life is an STD” crowd) ever stopped us from sleeping around, anyway its taken care of.
- Private property and such is on the way out as well, we have all seen the “biggest hotel owns no hotels, biggest cab company owns no cabs” Airbnb and uber memes. And with no kids, there’s no one to hand down to anyway.
- When I lurked at the /r/polyamory subreddit, a meme about “monogamy? — in this economy?” stood out, and this, could be the beginning of a shift of going from the ideal two incomes to three! The comments told stories about how polygamy is the only system that makes renting possible now!
- Throughout history, while monogamy has been the staple for the masses due to a lack of resources while the royalty was wrapped in multiple legs and bodies, now it seems for those on minimum wage, poly is the only thing which might help them make rent!
If you enjoyed this, consider signing up for future posts and a weekly newsletter with stories and ideas across wide subjects like history, philosophy, psychology, culture and art where we connect the dots to reach a better understanding of our own times.